My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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