I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize