His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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