Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You can't special order awesome
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
