Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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