I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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