Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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