The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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