i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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