I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
