got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The uberlube is also flammable
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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