She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
