just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
