I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dating After Heartbreak
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops