Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Mom said you looked used
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?