Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence