tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
