the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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