are you still at the devil's house?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
