i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
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My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
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Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Oh god it's open bar.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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