He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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