Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize