Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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