similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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