I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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