How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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