im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
