I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
