I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We left an ass print on the piano.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
