She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
