I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize