Porn is love you can see.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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