she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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