3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
