If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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