That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
