he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
