just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
