I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Someone signed my nipple.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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