So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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