i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
