I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
