God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
