He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
