dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
