Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize