If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize