Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
