you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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