I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
