My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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