I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
