I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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