Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
