shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
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future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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