I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
