as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
