i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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