I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I did not marry a roomba.
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