I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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