I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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