my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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