I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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