Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
