i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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